Wang Yi Answers Letters
by Kiria Sanae
Summary: Inspired by all of the answers letters. Seems like Wang Yi has the time to reply the mails while having many (killing) jobs to do. Warning inside. please send mails VIA PM or review.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Since everyone's making answers letters, I want to try making one as well lel.. please send letters via PM or review. Don't be shy, I won't bite you.**

**WARNING: Bad grammar and out of idea possibility (yes yes forgive me for that)**

**So here we go**

**...**

Dear lord Cao Pi,

Your wife? Oh she's here with me and Cai Wenji

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear lord Cao Pi,

Don't worry, we're not doing anything strange. Looks like lady Zhen Ji and Cai Wenji is just composing a song together.

Sncerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear lord Cao Pi,

Me? I'm watching them of course.

Wang Yi

...

Lord Cao Pi,

Oh please.. I'm not a creep. I'm just enjoying the song.

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Lord Cao Pi,

No, not that 'song'

Wang Yi

...

MA CHAO?!

Are you drunk? WHY THE HELL WERE YOU SENDING ME MAILS SAYING THAT I'M LOVELY AND STUFFS?! YOU DON'T VALUE YOUR LIFE, DO YOU?! WHERE DID YOU GET MY ADDRESS ANYWAY?!

(unsigned)

*most of the part have wrinkles because of anger*

...

WTF Ma Chao,

I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHOEVER SENT ME THOSE LETTERS EARLIER! EVEN IF YOU SAY IT'S YOUR EMPEROR'S DOING! NEXT TIME I RECEIVE ANY LETTER FROM YOUR ADDRESS I WILL F*CK'IN KILL YOU! (Well, I always want to do that without receiving his letters anyway)

(unsigned)

...

Dear Guo Jia,

No, I'm not Zhang Xingcai's twin sister. Why did you ask? We're not even look similar

Wang Yi

...

Guo Jia,

Why did you insist?!

Wang Yi

...

To Xingcai,

Could you give me one of your photos?

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

To Xingcai,

Because, uh.. Someone needs it

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

To Xingcai,

Just normal photo is fine, as long as it clearly has your face in it. You don't need to send me the best one.

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear Guo Jia,

Here, learn the difference, womanizer!

Wang Yi

*attached was a photo of Xingcai and herself*

...


	2. Chapter 2

Dear lord Sima Yi,

Thanks for the stress relievers you gave me. they really work even for only 5 minutes.

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear lord Sima Yi,

I don't know. Maybe they only work permanently on normal people

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear lord Sima Yi,

No, I didn't mean that I'm not normal. It's just.. my stress level is different than normal people's.

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Lord Sima Yi,

Okay fine, I'm not normal. Just believe whatever you want to believe.

Wang Yi

...

To Ma Dai,

_You! You're his-_ *this part was scratched* Nevermind, you don't have to apologize. But he said that you're the one who sent those letters earlier. Is that true?

Wang Yi

...

To Ma Dai,

You don't? Huh fine. Just keep an eye on him, yes? Or else I will ask Xun Yu to turn him into something.

Wang Yi

...

Ma Dai,

You understand? Good. Please note that I still want to kill him anyway.

Wang Yi

...

Ma Dai,

If he has some business? He won't. If he does, just ask him to come here by himself. (So that I could kill him without any troubles at all. HAHAHA.)

Wang Yi

...

Ma Dai,

No, I'm not planning to sudden-attack him.

Wang YI

...

Dear Guo Jia,

Tonight? With you? Ha. I'd rather attend our lord's grand feast tonight.

Wang Yi

...

Dear Xu Huang,

The turkey? Wait, I thought we have some in the storehouse ?

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear Xu Huang,

Xu Zhu ate them huh.. I knew it.. (Sigh)

Wang Yi

...

Dear Xu Huang,

Here you are

Wang Yi

*Attached was a box of turkeys frozen on ices*

...

Dear Cai Wenji,

What?! All of our castle's finest wines went missing?! How did that happen?

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Cai Wenji,

Wait, I think I know who's behind this...

(unsigned)

...

Dear Guo Jia,

It was your doing, wasn't it?

Wang Yi

...

Guo Jia,

Don't play dumb! I know you're the one who stole all of the finest wines!

Wang Yi

...

Guo Jia,

I don't believe you.

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Guo Jia,

For me? Uh...

Fine. I will hang out with you JUST FOR A WHILE. And please keep it just between us.

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear Guo Jia,

Yes. I'll wear my full armor and bring my trishulas. Got a problem?

Wang Yi

...

Guo Jia,

Just in case if you're trying to do something nasty.

Wang Yi

...

Guo Jia,

I said I don't believe you

Wang Yi

...

Guo Jia,

Then you shouldn't have complained.

Wang Yi

...

Dear master Yu Jin,

I'm not going anywhere, I thought I just saw an enemy archer on top of the tree. But looks like I've mistaken.

Sincerely, Wang Yi


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Guo Jia,

Thanks for last night's wine. I wish I could've drink more..

Wang Yi

...

Dear Guo Jia,

Yeah yeah..

Wang Yi

...

Ma Chao,

Oh! Look! 2 different letters, one said "I love you" and the other said "Let's spar", all came from the same writer. Now we know who's stressed here.

And I thought I told you not to write letters to me?!

Wang Yi

...

Ma Chao,

I'm getting tired of your deceits! Now come here so that I can kill you!

Wang Yi

(she ended up not sending this letter after receiving Cao Pi's letter)

...

Damn it Guo Jia,

YOU!

(Unsigned)

*attached was a letter saying "I Love You", signed as Ma Chao*

...

Guo Jia,

Don't 'what-is-it-my-lady?' me! You WROTE that letter, didn't you?! That's your handwritting!

Wang Yi

...

Guo Jia,

I know you're lying! Because lord Cao Pi saw you forged a letter that time!

Wang Yi

...

Guo Jia,

Just what's the point of that?! You want to be killed too?!

Wang Yi

...

To Ma Dai,

What?! Send me that invitation ASAP!

Wang Yi

...

To Ma Dai,

Of course to find out who's already bored of living!

Wang Yi

...

Ma Dai,

Hey, just how far does this little thing spread?

Wang Yi

...

Ma Dai,

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Wang Yi

...

Dear Cai Wenji,

I'm not marrying Ma Chao. Don't congratulate me

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear lord Cao Cao,

I'm not marrying Ma Chao. This is a misunderstanding.

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear lady Chunhua,

I'm not marrying Ma Chao.

Wang Yi

...

Dear Xiahou Ba,

I'm not marrying Ma Chao.

Wang Yi

...

Dear Xu Huang,

I'm not marrying Ma Chao.

Wang Yi

...

Dear Liu Bei,

I'm not marrying Ma Chao.

Wang Yi

(and she sends this letter to everyone else who sent her congratulation letters)

...

Dear Cai Wenji,

Do you know who write the invitation?

Wang Yi

...

Dear Cai Wenji,

Okay. I know too many people send you letters. I'll give you time to remember whose handwriting is that.

Wang Yi

...

Dear Cai Wenji,

Okay, thanks. You may have this

Wang Yi

*attached was a little music box*

...

Li Dian,

Hey, you wrote the invitation didn't you?

Wang Yi

...

Yue Jin,

Hey, You sent the copies of the invitation, didn't you?

Wang Yi

...

To Li Dian,

Please be honest! It's your and Yue Jin's doing, right? RIGHT?!

Wang Yi

...

To Li Dian,

So who told you to do so?

Wang Yi

(she sends the same letter to Yue Jin)

...

To Li Dian,

Thanks. Now, do you have any last words?!

Wang Yi

(The same letter was sent to Yue Jin)

...

Dear Lord Cao Pi,

No, I don't know why Li Dian and Yue Jin Lying unconsciously on a puddle of blood. Perhaps a surprise attack from the enemy?

Wang Yi

...

Dear Guo Jia,

Any last words?!

(unsigned)

...

Dear Lord Cao Pi,

What? You found Guo Jia in the same condition? Oh.. I'm sorry to hear that..

Wang Yi

...

Dear Lord Cao Pi,

The letter? Oh.. he's just writing unimportant bullshits.

Wang Yi

...

To Ma Chao,

_Anyway, why did you ask me to spar with you?! You already have this Zhao Yun _*this part was scratched repeatedly until almost unseen* You said you want to spar with me? Ha! Fine, come here! But don't blame me if you're killed accidentally, you hippophilia!

Wang Yi

...

Dear lord Sima Zhao,

You're done with the Romans, right? So.. may I borrow the gunblade?

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear Lord Sima Zhao,

To instant-kill a particular person.

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear Lord Sima Zhao,

You gave it to your father? Ugh.. too bad..

Wang Yi

...

Dear Lord Sima Zhao,

Xun Yu?

Okay. Thanks.

Wang Yi

...

Dear Xun Yu,

Could you make me the same gunblade— or maybe stronger than lord Sima Zhao's?

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Xun Yu,

What?! You ran out of materials?! Then could you turn Ma Chao into something so that I can easily slaughter him?

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

XUN YU!

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! WHY DID YOU TURN HIM INTO A CHILD?!

Wang Yi

...

Xun Yu,

Easy to kill my ass! When I raised my weapon, he ran fastly! And when I kept approaching him, he also kept running and running in circles, pretending that we're playing a game! He's even more annoying than the usual Ma Chao! And the worst thing, he has this 'innocent' face! UGH...

Wang Yi

...

Xun Yu,

And now he's calling me "mom"! Xun Yu! Return him to normal immediately!

Wang Yi

...

Dear lady Zhen Ji,

No, that's not my child!

Sincerely, Wang Yi


	4. Chapter 4

Ma Chao,

1 I don't want to play with you

2 I'm not your mom

3 No, you don't have a daddy, so don't ask me!

Wang Yi

...

Lil Ma Chao,

But you don't have one! Now go play outside and stop interrupting me!

NOT YOUR mom, Wang Yi

...

Xun Yu,

This makes me more stressed! Don't you have any antidote or whatever can turn him into normal?

Wang Yi

...

Dear Xun Yu,

Oh, so you can make the antidote? Just how long do I have to wait?

Wang Yi

...

Dear Xun Yu,

3 days? Fine. (deep sigh)

Wang Yi

...

Dear Cai Wenji,

May I go to your place? I want to hear your poem.

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear Xiahou Dun,

So there's a woman standing in front of my house and asking about you. Who is she? Your new lover?

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

To Xiahou Dun,

judging from her clothing, perhaps she comes from Shu, has a long straight beautiful black hair, held a crescent blade, and she looks like the mature version of Guan Yinping.

Wang Yi

...

To Xiahou Dun,

Why not? She's beautiful anyway.

Wang Yi

...

To Xiahou Dun,

What? That's THAT God of War? Don't worry, I said I don't know your whereabouts. And um.. good luck with her/him.

Wang Yi

...

To Ma Dai,

Yes he did.

Wang Yi

...

To Ma Dai,

No. Of course not. What makes you think I'm the one who ask him?

Wang Yi

...

To Ma Dai,

That doesn't mean I want to turn him into a child.

Wang Yi

...

To Ma Dai,

Whatever. Anyway, please look after him for 3 days, won't you? He's your young master after all!

Wang Yi

...

To Ma Dai,

What?! Why not?

Wang Yi

...

Ma Dai,

Fine, just don't blame me if he got killed.

Wang Yi

...

Dear Guo Jia, (So he's still alive huh)

What? He's at your place right now? AND HE'S CALLING YOU "DAD"?!

This is getting serious..

Wang Yi

...

Guo Jia,

Oh and please take care of him for three days.

Wang Yi.

...

Guo Jia,

Why three days you ask? Because Xun Yu's working on the antidote right now, and it will be done in 3 days.

Wang Yi

...

Guo Jia,

What?! What do you mean it's like having a family with me?! Hey! Don't return him to my place! Don't come to my place!

(Unsigned)

...

Guo Jia,

See? I'm in Cai Wenji's place right now. Now go home and take that mini Ma Chao with you.

Wang YI

...

Guo Jia,

To relieve my stress of course

Wang Yi

...

Dear Guo Jia,

Why I don't want him in my house? Becauuusseee.. It's a Ma Chao even if he's a child right now.

Wang Yi

...

Dear Lord Sima Yi,

My lord, you must be drunk. Here, I still have some spare of stress relievers you gave me earlier. Looks like you need it more than I do.

Sincerely, Wang Yi

*Attached was some bottles of stress relievers*

...

To Gan Ning,

Please don't write when you're drunk. I can't understand what you're talking about.

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

To Ling Tong,

I don't understand his language anyway

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Guo Jia,

Come... naked? Go home you're drunk.

Wang Yi

...

Guo Jia,

Huh? You're not drunk? So why are you naked? And I thought I told you to go home?!

Wang Yi

...

Guo Jia,

... come naked huh? (I've got a plan *smirk*)

Wang Yi

...

Dear lady Zhenji,

May I... borrow your husband?

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear lady Zhenji,

Because... Let's discuss this at your place

Wang Yi

...

Dear lady Zhenji,

You want to help? Good. Please make sure that he's drunk and bring him to my place.

Wang Yi

...

Dear Guo Jia,

I'm not doing anything.. I just ask lady Zhenji to got him drunk and brought him to my place, ripped his clothes, and locked him with you. Hahaha.. So how's your night with lord Cao Pi? Did he go easy on you?

Wang Yi

...

Dear Guo Jia,

He didn't and now your back and your 'bottom' hurts so much? Ha. I knew it. Even men have desires towards you, pretty boy

Wang Yi

...

Dear Guo Jia,

Next time you try to mess with me, I will ask Jia Chong to bang you. I know he tried to do it to you the other day.

Wang Yi

...

Dear Guo Jia,

How did I know? It's a secret.

Wang Yi

...

Dear Guo Jia,

Serves you right.

Wang Yi


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Jia Chong,

Hey, how did you know that I send him that letter? oh forget about it. So he got something you could catch.. in his clothes? Oh well.. sorry for the misunderstanding. Now you can go back to your realm in peace.

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear Jia Chong,

Yes yes... I know you're not actually one of those bloodsucker. But still... you look similar.

Wang Yi

...

Dear Xiahou Ba,

Forgive me. Actually I wanted to send it back to princess Sun Shangxiang of Wu since she gave that to me for unknown reason, but looks like it mistakenly sent to you. Thanks for sending it back anyway.

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear Xiahou Ba,

You saw the kid in my house? No. That's not my and Guo Jia's child!

Wang Yi

...

Xiahou Ba,

NO! What makes you think that's my and Ma Chao's child?! That's too impossible!

(unsigned)

...

Xiahou Ba,

They look similar because THAT KID IS MA CHAO.

Wang Yi

...

Dear Sun Shangxiang,

Excuse me? Why did you send me.. This?

Sincerely, Wang Yi

*attached was a very graphic drawing of a three way with Lu Meng, Gan Ning and Ling Tong*

...

Sun Shangxiang,

Xiaoqiao? So.. That litle girl drew that, gave you many copies of it, and you sent the copies to all female generals.. ?

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear Zhou Yu,

I think you should... Watch over your wife.. She's been doing weird stuffs lately

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear Zhou Yu

Like this

Wang Yi

*attached was a very graphic drawing of Zhu Ran having his way with Lu Xun*

...

Dear Zhou Yu,

Yes. She drew that.

Wang Yi

...

Dear Guo Jia,

Xing Cai? Why did you send that to me? I said we're not even look similar!

Wang Yi

...

Dear Guo Jia,

I think you're losing your clever brain..

Wang Yi

...

Dear master Xiahou Dun,

They both chased you?

Hm.. About Guo Jia.. You know, Actually he's gay in the first place, but he's just acting as a womanizer to deny that fact. So I didn't really traumatize him. He's just over-exaggerating things.

And about the Goddess of War.. I think I've got a plan for this.. Could you send me.. One of your robes and armors?

Wang Yi

...

Dear master Xiahou Dun,

Thank you..

Wang Yi

...

Dear Guo Jia,

So.. There's a beautiful woman dressed in green who's waiting for you..

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear Guo Jia,

No, not Xingcai though.. But you may have her.

Wang Yi

...

Guo Jia

Oh, and here's a tip.. Try to approach her while wearing this

*attached was Xiahou Dun's robe and armors*

...

Guo Jia,

She said that she loves that outfit

Wang Yi

...

Guo Jia,

Yeah yeah.. So are you (*rolls eyes*)

Wang Yi

...

Dear master Xiahou Dun,

Nailed it.

Wang Yi

...

Dear lord Cao Cao,

Your concubine? Uh.. I'd rather answer the survey..

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

(Below was the questions(?) in the survey)

Be my concubine

Uh no

Be my concubine

Nope

Be My concubine

I said no.

Be My concubine

(and the same questions(?) was asked for the following 26 numbers)

SCREW THIS!

...

Dear lord Cao Cao,

Sorry my lord.. Request or not, I'm not going to be your concubine.

Wang Yi

...

Dear master Xiahou Dun,

She's pregnant and insists that's your child? You could beat Guo Jia for that

Simcerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear lord Cao Pi,

Looks like it's your common problem. But I'd rather taking your wife with me than hiding you.

Wang Yi

...

Dear lady Zhen Ji,

You seem stressed about your husband..

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear lady Zhen Ji,

Don't worry about him, milady.. How about having some walk with me?

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear lady Zhen Ji,

No? Then what do you want?

Wang Yi

...

Dear lord Cao Pi,

There. Are you alright?

Wang Yi

...

Lord Cao Pi,

No, I didn't sleep with her. I just bought her a new flute.

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear lord Sima Shi,

Sorry, but I'm not Wang Yuanji. I will send your letter to her

SIncerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear lord Sima Shi,

You still confused with our names in your address book? Well.. Don't worry about it

Wang Yi

...

Dear Wang Yuanji,

Here, a letter from your brother in law.

Sincerely, Wang Yi

*attached was a letter to Yuanji from Sima Shi*

...

Dear lord Sima Zhao,

You know.. I'm not supposed to tell you this, but.. You should keep an eye on your soon-to-be wife and your brother

It seems they're having something behind you

Sincerely Wang Yi

...

Dear lord Sima Zhao,

Oh so you found out..

But my apologizes.. I don't know his whereabouts

Sincerely, Wang Yi

...

Dear Sun Quan,

We already overcome this 'brainwashed' problem in Wei.. How about Wu? And seriously.. Liu Shan?

Wang Yi


End file.
